A look inside my Soul - need to clear my head and releive stress...

I feel so stressed right now. So much has been going on with me and my family. I am moving to virgina on sunday and i still have so much packing to do. I dont have the energy to do it. I spent from friday till this morning with nichole mark and Taylor and i also saw Ashley and Lexi too. I am going to miss them so much. I am so depressed. They are growing up so fast. But scott says we will come to visit every month or every other month so yay!

I did find out that my sister does have pre cancerous cells :( so I am sad about that but she should be ok still i worry alot. She will just have to get some shot every few months or check ups every few months and stuff. 

I also found out that Steve (Lexi's daddy) has been alerted to go over seas but it is not definate yet. they will know for sure in the next month or two though,. If he does get sent then Ash and him are going to get married before he leaves so that if anything happens Lexi and my sis will be cared for so thats good i guess but i really am praying he doesn't go over,. I am scared for thmall and i think dragging this war on is really stupid as does my whole family we ll had a big talk about it. 

i feel kind of sad because if they do get married then i will be the lasts of my siblings to do anything including marriage and kids and it makes me sad :( I don't even know if i can have kids because it could put my health and the babies health at risk and the weight that you put on when your pregnant i dont think my back can handle it and my mom seems to think i wont be able to carry it and care for it but i really want kids! i would adopt but i dont think scott really wants to do that. I dont know i guess i have to do some soul searching or something.

And on the other hand i cant wait to move because i will be away from my step mom i cant stand her and for the past year i dont think she has wanted me here anyways. And i feel really sad because i thought tha6t living with my dad would bring us closer but it really hasnt.  and lat night i cried because of this i wish i could talk to him and tuff but i never really feel like i can because gerri is always around and i hate that i wish dad would divorce her he deserves so much better. I think he is only with her snd doing everything she wants so he is not alone but i have nevr liked her and ash wants him to divorce her too and mark and nichole dislikes her too but he have never told dad this i guess its not our place and we dont want to hurt him i still lobve my dad just wish we were closer. 

ahh i am soo confused about everything!

I dont know wish someone was here to help me finish packing i dont want to do it alone. 
i need more bins from walmart before i can finish though.

ok enough rambling time to check the laundry