A look inside my Soul

happy birthday to me! Aidyn will be 1 tommorrow this year flew by! gotta get ready to go out write more soon

week in pa and stuff
Current mood: anxious

I took aidyn for his 1st road trip from the 5th of july til the 11th it was great to see all my family but it was very busy we were visiting different people everyday i was there except thursday so i was pretty exhausted friday we came back with dan and jules who were coming to va to visit ray and marie. we all had dinner at their place it was nice to see them too. Aidyn and i have had a cold since we been in pa and i dont know who its from and now my poor baby has had diarrhea for over 24 hrs so i have to take him to the docs at 12:50 i hope hes ok. we are still waiting to hear if hes covered under the state insurance for kids but this appt cant be postponed so scared we will not be accepted and we will have to pay out of pocket we cant really afford that. i booked the rev for his christening in sept and my mom and sis are going to look at pavillions in the park and getting a price menu for me we are having it in pa cause i have a huge family that is all for now

i cant beleive aidyn is a month today (well technichially the 28th but its wednesday and he was born on wed so its a month) .It has been a huge change for sure. lack of sleep has given me the worst migraine ever on a daily basis. I have been a little moody and had a few days of crying but i went to the doc and got back on zoloft because they told me that I am at higher risk for PPD because i already have depression.We have had Aidyn to peditrician 3 times already...1st time after hospital visit...2nd time 2 wk check up and yeserday because he was crying all day not sleeping his gripe drops and gas drops arent really working and he cries after he is fed so they made us come in to make sure it is not acid reflux. they said it doesnt sound like it is. They told us to switch his formula so i hope it helps. He is starting to smile and he can move pretty good for a month old on his stomache. He also can hold his head up for a good minute he was doing that about 2 wks he can roll to an extent too. I think we have a fast learner on our hands im in trouble. I am taking Aidyn on his 1st road trip for a week in july to Pa without scott because hes staying here to work i am so nervous but i know my family will be there to help i am so excited. i hope to get his 1 month pics done on saturdau. that is all for now

  anyone help? i am 5 m os preg today to be exact and i have been searching for support groups for parents with disabilities and also adaptive equipment so i can care for baby found a few sites but not much info or help can someone please help

Current Mood: stressed

 posted new pics on myspace cuz i duno how to post em on here.... time to get ready for another docs appt. will post any worthy updates

so i wonder why do i write? but merry christmas too all anyways... 

Current Mood: curious

A New Chapter of my Life has begun
Current mood: excited
Category: Life

First i would like to say happy thanksgiving everyone i hope you enjoy it with your families.

Well for the past couple of months I have been posting about being sick on and off. The truth is that I found out on October 7 2007 that I was 5 weeks pregnant. We found this out because I had to go to the ER because i was unable to keep anything at all down. They diagnosed me with hyperemisis gravadram ,which in simple terms is a condition in pregnant women that is excessive vomiting. Mine is not that bad to the point that i need IVs  but i do need to take meds everyday to keep food down. It seems to be getting better. finally. I also have to see a high risk OB-GYN and a perinatologist. That is a doctor that treats high risk mothers(im high risk cause of my cerebral palsy and scoliosis) but they do not deliver the baby they work with the OB-GYN. I go for my first appointment with them tommorrow. I'm kinda nervous. As of today I am 3 months and 3 days preg. yay I am excited but this is not been easy for me. That is all for now

Current Mood: excited

 scott and i got engaged this weekend yay! i am so excited. feeling sick yet again time to lay down

Current Mood: nauseated

jobs,bad memories makes me sick...
Current mood: nauseated
Category: Life

well on friday i met with amber my job coach and we re did my resume and we were going to take it to the vet hospital that wants it but we couldn't print it off because we didnt have a library card so annoying...Amber was going to fax it to them yeserday so i am waiting to hear from them.

saturday went with scott and his friend chris to see resident evil extiction and lets just say it triggered bad memories for me.....

yeserday i was suppose to go to DBT but i felt so sick so i slept all day woke up this morning with a worse migraine then yeserday but i am forcing myself to do laundry and dishes ect...

that is all

ok so yeserday i typerd this really long entry on myspace only to find out it was unable to be posted because of technicial problems uah and i dont really feel like typinmg it all over again so lets see if i can give ya the short verison... my family and i have not had a good month. first we found out that i may have a brain tumor so i had to get an mri and i had to reschdule getting the results because i dont want to be alone in case they are bad which if they are bad im sure i wouldve heard something by now but anyway i will know for sure tuesday.
scott started a new job monday and he seems to like it. so thats good. i might go back to school for medical transcription but we'll see....

my older sis has to get her tonsils out next month with a 1 1/2 baby that should be interesting not being able to talk for 9 days
my younger sis got kicked out where she was living  and so her and my neice are at my dads now good thing i moved when i did

my mom thought she has cancer but they told her she didnt but shes still having pain so she has to see a specialist on monday.... my step dad got bad results on the stress test soo yeah...

and my poor cousins.. they just lost there grandpop which i called him grandpop too because my cousin and i were together alot when we were growing up *but hes on her dads side so its not my biological grandparent* and her grandmom in the hospital now... so i just wanted to say i love you guys im thinking of you and wish i could be there

and finally scotts sis was in the hospital they think she has heart problems too so would be really nice if nothiong else goes wrong but can only pray

its not like anyone ever leaves me comments anyway so why do i even post anymore? i don't know. Not to much new to report with me but things are going ok i guess. I have a few doctors appts next week so hopefully  something will be done to start making me feel better lately i have had headaches,bleeding, dizzy spells oh it sucks 

I am trying to find a job online and through the VR services down here but they said i need to have transportation before she even starts to help me that could take another 2 months or so before i can even get that i am not sure.... so frustrating!

At least Scotts mom and sister and I get along we had a girls day the other day. It was fun we went to look at cars for Megan and then we went to cracker barrell yummy! and on the friday  i got a predicure and on sunday scott, me,Megan and Kenny went to starbucks yummy!

I love Scott he treats me so good. every morning before he goes to work he gives me a kiss and hug and says I love you and makes sure that the blankets are covering me all up so i dont get cold soo sweet I am so lucky!

well i went to the doctors on friday and he said my problems could be from my meds or something else so tommorrow i have to get a sonogram done and something else with a camera thingy oh so not looking forward to this at all i am so freaked out they better knock me out to do this and i am making scott go back there and hold my hand even if im put asleep and he asked me if i could be pregnant which i guess i could be but i dont think so. and i also was told to go see a urologist for my other problems oh boy whatever is wrong with me is not fun! at least im getting all this doctor stuff done before i start working though

Current Mood: scared

i called some doctors yeserday and i have appts finally one friday and one monday i know i hate doctors but finally hopefully i will have answers and stop having embarrassing eposodes of well i'd rather not say... i feel like ive been flipped upside down. i have constant headaches am constantly tired starting to get dizzy and almost falling everywhere maybe im anemic i duno i am to the point that i have to force myself to eat because i am not even hungry anymore how sad i wish friday would come faster.

My neice Taylor turned 1 years old yeserday! I can't beleive it. I remember sitting in the hospital all day long waiting for her to be born. time flies. shes so big. My sister took her to camden aquarium yeserday to see the fishes and she said that she ran everywhere! and it was the hippos b day too or something so she got a pic with the hippos cake hehh so cute cant wait to see her and lexi and everyone this weekend pa here i come!
Taylor aunt dani loves u

I am so depressed today. Something is wrong with me and i don't know what it is and i can't go to the doctors till i get insurance  that could be another month or so. I can not live like this another month i am in sooo much pain and things are happening to my body that make no sense. I have done all i can do myself to deal with the problem but i still feel depressed and i just want to cry there is nothing anyone can do to help me and its making scott feel bad.

Last night we went to see shooter it was alright and today we are going to see preminition, the movie i picked out so i will let you know how that is. now i am going to go cry

Ok so last week i went to the welfare office and tried to get insurance but i was missing some papers so i had to call offices in Pa to get them to mail me papers to prove my case was closed so i could get health insurance well yeserday i still didnt have the papers so i called and they told me that they didnt send them out because they never got the message or something so i was like well fax them to me now because i need them and they did finally! hopefully i can get something rolling now.

today scotts mom is going to take me to the office to drop off those papers then to the bank then off to get pedicures i go yay! and then we might go to carters the baby clothes store to buy clothes for Taylors b day not sure though and i am going to buy her and myself happy feet when it comes out on tuesday i'm soo excited!

Taylor will be 1 on tuesday i cant beleive that. My mom and sister are taking her to camden aquarium for her b day because she loves fish awwe!

Lexi is good too she is 6 1/2 mos now and she weights 17 lbs! and is 26.5 ins. she is finally growing hair and they think she is allergic to milk so she is being tested for it. poor thing. i love them both cant wait to see them yay!

no news about steve yet i am still praying...

I miss my family and friends and im craving popcorn chicken lol  that is all

sick again :(

I feel horrible i am sick yet again. this time i think it is from me not having my pills but i was finally able to get them yeserday so hopefully i will be better soon everything hurts blah. it just sucks and i have to pay money outta pocket right now for meds and doctors and thats not cheap i dont know if i have enough money for this but it has to be done....i wish this could just go away..

.one more week till i see my family and friends yay! the cat is snoring and i think its funny lol

well i have been in va for about 2 weeks now and i am happier then i have been in awhile. i feel more free here and it seems like everything is coming together. i am just waiting for everything to transfer/close in Pa before i do anything. i need a doctor so that i can get evaluated to use the para transit here and for some other reasons. then i will start looking for jobs and such. 

my friend told me about this job for the disabled that is a work at home job and it pays 12.50 an hour so i am going to look into that it was given to him through OVR (AN AGENCY TO HELP DISABLED) 

The other day i spent the day with scotts mom and sister we went shopping and went to starbucks i am now addicted to cinnamon dulche latte sooo good and scott,me, and his parents went to a sneak preveiw of "wild hogs" a hilarous movie! i loved it i didnt think i was going to at first. and we all watched qvc and ordered stuff for scott and my house. now we are no where near being able to afford a house but never to early to start getting things you need for it i guess. i feel like a part of this family and love it

well my stomache hurts and i dont know why so i am going to go write more soon

oh yah happy feet is coming out on dvd on march 27th 2007 sooo excited!

Current Mood: blah

hey everyone  i am in Virgina now yay. The weekend was good we went midnight bowling on friday night. saturday we went to the casinos and we won 63.00 we split it between me, bee and mike scott was there too. sunday was ok i guess spent the day with my neices and my sisters, Mark, bruce and my dad and stepmom i did pretty good considering. my emotions got the best of me a little but not for long. Monday and tuesday scott had off work so we did some unpacking and organizing and stuff then we went to stone cold creamery yum! He also suprised me with two dvds cinderella 3 and ice age 2 aww i love him! His parents are so nice they make me feel so welcome here i feel part of the family. ah well i guess thats it for now i have a bad headache.

Current Mood: productive

I feel so stressed right now. So much has been going on with me and my family. I am moving to virgina on sunday and i still have so much packing to do. I dont have the energy to do it. I spent from friday till this morning with nichole mark and Taylor and i also saw Ashley and Lexi too. I am going to miss them so much. I am so depressed. They are growing up so fast. But scott says we will come to visit every month or every other month so yay!

I did find out that my sister does have pre cancerous cells :( so I am sad about that but she should be ok still i worry alot. She will just have to get some shot every few months or check ups every few months and stuff. 

I also found out that Steve (Lexi's daddy) has been alerted to go over seas but it is not definate yet. they will know for sure in the next month or two though,. If he does get sent then Ash and him are going to get married before he leaves so that if anything happens Lexi and my sis will be cared for so thats good i guess but i really am praying he doesn't go over,. I am scared for thmall and i think dragging this war on is really stupid as does my whole family we ll had a big talk about it. 

i feel kind of sad because if they do get married then i will be the lasts of my siblings to do anything including marriage and kids and it makes me sad :( I don't even know if i can have kids because it could put my health and the babies health at risk and the weight that you put on when your pregnant i dont think my back can handle it and my mom seems to think i wont be able to carry it and care for it but i really want kids! i would adopt but i dont think scott really wants to do that. I dont know i guess i have to do some soul searching or something.

And on the other hand i cant wait to move because i will be away from my step mom i cant stand her and for the past year i dont think she has wanted me here anyways. And i feel really sad because i thought tha6t living with my dad would bring us closer but it really hasnt.  and lat night i cried because of this i wish i could talk to him and tuff but i never really feel like i can because gerri is always around and i hate that i wish dad would divorce her he deserves so much better. I think he is only with her snd doing everything she wants so he is not alone but i have nevr liked her and ash wants him to divorce her too and mark and nichole dislikes her too but he have never told dad this i guess its not our place and we dont want to hurt him i still lobve my dad just wish we were closer. 

ahh i am soo confused about everything!

I dont know wish someone was here to help me finish packing i dont want to do it alone. 
i need more bins from walmart before i can finish though.

ok enough rambling time to check the laundry